Three things that make me want to read a novel (and three that don't)

Recently, I've been snooping around the Blind Speed Dating Contest at Cupid's Literary Connection. While sadly one needs a completed manuscript and a query to enter - neither of which I yet have - I've had an excellent time reading other people's pitches. I'm far from an expert in knowing what agents or publishers are looking for in queries, but here's a list of what makes me keep reading, and what makes me put the book down in disgust, helped along by some lovely examples from the contest on the positive side, and some examples of my own on the other:


The Good

1. Out-of-the-blue plots: "Finn Rackham is tired of being told that he's bound to end up just like his parents--behind bars.  Sure, his temper is a little toasty, but that doesn't make him a criminal.  But when he accidentally falls in with a band of pirates..." (The Lost Figurehead) Nobody saw those pirates coming. It actually makes me really happy when you start reading a book expecting one genre, and get something else - it means the book isn't just stuck in the rut of, say, 'paranormal romance'. It's welcome change from books that follow the conventions of their genre.
   
   
2. Shameless awesomeness: On the topic of Finn Rackham - "But the men and women who sail under Captain Kelsey Dash are not the sword-swinging, pistol-wielding, treasure-hunting rapscallions he expects.  They're time travelers, and they just commandeered a ferry in New York Harbor." There are some things that just ought to exist. Time travelling pirates. Bishounen wizards. Magical boarding school. On the one hand, they could be described as shamelessly gratuitous. On the other hand - if you don't appreciate a good time-travelling pirate, I don't know what you're doing with your life.
   
   
3. Unusual juxtapositions: There's nothing better than reading along and suddenly that the antagonist of your teen fiction is none other than "the legendary “once and future king”—King Arthur himself." (Broken in Blue)  I've often come across writing advice that suggests that to make an interesting character, you need to give them two conflicting or contrasting traits. For years I thought this was trite and unhelpful. But then someone (and I can't remember who) explained it with the example of a young girl who wants to pursue her interest in necromancy, but has to babysit her younger siblings. And everything made sense. Totally unexpected juxtapositions are what make original fiction. And of course, who can go past something billed as "LE MORTE D’ARTHUR meets GOSSIP GIRL"?

The Bad

1. Vaguely atmospheric words: Stephenie Meyer apparently chose the title of Twilight from a list of 'atmospheric words' offered by her publisher. If the first sentence of a blurb contains lots of atmospheric words ("Elina's fate is wreathed in shadows...") and no actual content, chances are I'm going to put the book down.
   
   
2. A main character who wants to be normal: The best way to introduce a novel, in my opinion, is to tell me the really exciting things that your main character wants to go out a do. "Jessie Warnes just wants to be normal..." immediately has me thinking that Jessie Warnes is going to be a relatively dull type of person. I want a main character who was wants to be part of the action.
   
   
3. Fiery redheads: I think the world has a quota of fictional fiery redheads, and I think it has been reached. I am sick of them. If anyone says "a temper to match her hair" or tries to describes a character's personality by telling us their hair-colour I will put the book down. It's overdone, and it's lazy writing. I want a character with a personality, not a hair-colour.

A Fun Fact

• If you don't know how to start writing your query, every single one goes like this: "<number>-year-old <name> is <unusual trait>. When <negative experience>, s/he must..."

The Word Master Challenge: How Not to Write a Novel Beginning

The challenge, from Misha Gericke's blog My First Book:
In less than 300 words, I want to see your idea of the WORST beginning you can possibly write. The funnier and more creative you are, the better. To make it easier for me, you have the WHOLE of January to enter, but you must please enter the SPECIFIC entry link into the linky list below.


My entry:

Ediana's Diary

Dear Diary,

I wrote as I stared fixedly out the window,

Today happened as usual, Princess Sarelihta woke us to bring her tea, we brought it as usual. Like I said, nothing interesting.

Princess Sarilehta makes us write diaries to check we like her. Naturally, we don’t write that we hate her. I am Princess Sarehlita’s maid, servant, slave, whatever. So are Sarihna, Gadkinalia, and Eve. Well, we’re slaves but she would never call us that.… Whatever. Back to the diary.

The day was the same as always. Routine.

I HATE ROUTINE!!!!! I don’t know why people invented it. The same thing, every day. BORING!!!!!!

I stared out the window. The view was the same as every other day. The stables, the forest the lake and far in the distance, the mountains. There’s also the town, Capiton, on the river. Further down there’re more towns, and then it goes up to the mountains. I thought about exploring it all, but I knew I would never escape from here.

I was taking the breakfast things down when I first saw him. I do that every morning. Bring Princess Sarelita her tea, prepare her bath, get the breakfast, and bring it down, all the boring stuff. And we also did whatever else she told us.

The drawbridge opened. A lad, who looked about sixteen, suddenly came in, Perhaps, I thought, he’s bringing interesting news. There could be something interesting happening…

He had onyx hair. “Do you know the way to the royal dining room?” he queried me.

“That way. I’m going there right now, but if you plan to go, I suggest you get out of your travelling clothes and have a bath, first. Her majesty can’t stand it if you come without washing yourself. I tried it once.”