The Word Master Challenge: How Not to Write a Novel Beginning

The challenge, from Misha Gericke's blog My First Book:
In less than 300 words, I want to see your idea of the WORST beginning you can possibly write. The funnier and more creative you are, the better. To make it easier for me, you have the WHOLE of January to enter, but you must please enter the SPECIFIC entry link into the linky list below.


My entry:

Ediana's Diary

Dear Diary,

I wrote as I stared fixedly out the window,

Today happened as usual, Princess Sarelihta woke us to bring her tea, we brought it as usual. Like I said, nothing interesting.

Princess Sarilehta makes us write diaries to check we like her. Naturally, we don’t write that we hate her. I am Princess Sarehlita’s maid, servant, slave, whatever. So are Sarihna, Gadkinalia, and Eve. Well, we’re slaves but she would never call us that.… Whatever. Back to the diary.

The day was the same as always. Routine.

I HATE ROUTINE!!!!! I don’t know why people invented it. The same thing, every day. BORING!!!!!!

I stared out the window. The view was the same as every other day. The stables, the forest the lake and far in the distance, the mountains. There’s also the town, Capiton, on the river. Further down there’re more towns, and then it goes up to the mountains. I thought about exploring it all, but I knew I would never escape from here.

I was taking the breakfast things down when I first saw him. I do that every morning. Bring Princess Sarelita her tea, prepare her bath, get the breakfast, and bring it down, all the boring stuff. And we also did whatever else she told us.

The drawbridge opened. A lad, who looked about sixteen, suddenly came in, Perhaps, I thought, he’s bringing interesting news. There could be something interesting happening…

He had onyx hair. “Do you know the way to the royal dining room?” he queried me.

“That way. I’m going there right now, but if you plan to go, I suggest you get out of your travelling clothes and have a bath, first. Her majesty can’t stand it if you come without washing yourself. I tried it once.”